He used to be a big deal in my life. Not anymore, I should say. Moving on on his side seems quick, like ripping a bandage on a skin that was never hurt. On my side, it had been a hell of a roller coaster ride.
It has been roughly two years since the last time we met. I met him again last weekend. Coincidence? I don't know.
I always thought that I would break down and cry if I ever saw him again. I was so sure that I would lose control of the wall that I have build for over two years to shield myself. I thought I would punch his face on a reflex. I thought about so many horrible things.
It wasn't like that. It was not entirely relaxed and my mind needs quite a 'getting-used-to' phase for about a few seconds. It was, however, a lot less dramatic than what I expected it would be.
I mean, all the cutting out works after all.
Few days after that, I met up with Nadine (minus Nadia) and we sort of went through the whole 5 years. Good thing I did this (thanks N!) because she made me realise that that was not the first. This was so expected to happen. That before any "news" was dropped, I already knew it happened.
Bottom line is: don't worry if it takes you awhile to move on from a relationship (or a person). As my favorite singer would sing, 'Time is a healer of all hearts that break'. Do whatever you need to do. Cut that person out of your life or throwing away all means of memories might be necessary. Just remember, your happiness and mental well-being is more important than anything.
Also, try and talk through the whole thing with someone you trust. You might see something that you missed because you were likely blinded by love at those times.
Wounds will leave you scars, and you should be proud if you have one.
That means you survived and you will survive.