Saturday, October 11, 2014

Pisces, Pisces, Aries, Taurus, Taurus

I just realised how little I talk about them in here, yet they are one of the best things in my life that happen to me.

These people are my best friends, my family, and the one that has been there for me through all the ups and downs away from home. I love how we would have impromptu group video call every now and then even though we all live in 3 different continents. I love how nothing has changed for 5 years. I honestly hope that we all will be the best of friends for life.

To Met: thanks for being such a warm and welcoming person when I first started high school. Thanks for letting me into the music circle and giving me heaps of opportunities to do what I love the most. Thanks for all the help, the laughs and the love.

To Uwi: thanks for being such a great person, for all the movie and restaurant/cafe recommendations, for putting up with me throughout my gap semester and willing to go with me to random places just so I wouldn't go there on my own. Thanks for all the help, the laughs and the love

To Sha: thanks for being a fellow Pisces, a great person, and for being so vocal about your opinion. I literally learnt about a lot of new perspectives and issues just by talking to you and I am so grateful for that. Thanks for all the help, the laughs and the love

To Thas: thanks for being my first ever friend in high school and making a lot of the transition easier. Thanks for making me a little less homesick in the first few months/years of high school. Thanks for all the help, the laughs and the love.

I love you ;)


I might regret this later but you might not read this. Therefore, I am doing this.

I miss you so much. I miss you extremely badly.

It's funny how things turned out. I thought I could control myself but apparently I could not do it. I thought I can suppress all the feelings that once blossom like flowers in spring. Turns out it is harder to do than to write about.

I thought not talking to you for 2 years will bring me all the happiness that you could find right after that day. Oh how could I be more wrong? The effects had just kicked in, for some bizarre reasons.

Also, everywhere I see, there is always some phrase, some pictures, some things that just reminded me of you. Every time I put spotify on shuffle, Iris and I Try come up every single dang time. What is up with the universe?

Anyway, this is extremely weird because I told myself: should I ever see you again, I'm going to say these things to you. But, I miss you and I just have to write it down.

I don't think I want anything because I know where you stand. I just want myself to acknowledge this instead of lying to myself. It will always be there, I guess.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

At First Sight

I love you at that time
you shook my hand
and say your name.
It still lingers
in my mind, in my heart,
the way your eyes were so calm.
The way you smile.
I remember your hands firmly
shaking mine like a memory foam
was embedded in my hand

I love you at that time
our eyes locked.
You remember who I was and
you smile.
I hesitated, trying
not to keep my hopes up.
I remember
your smile,
before the moment got interrupted.

I love you in between
all that time.
All the time.

I love you just then
when you looked around the room.
When once again our
eyes locked, smiles exchanged.
The heart died a little when
I realise you don't remember.
The heart died a little
more when you were walking

I love you at that time
I love you in between
I love you still and
I hope for always.

Braddon, 18 August 2014
04.03 AM FH S859

Friday, July 18, 2014

Healing Process

I recently met a person that had made quite an impact in my life a few years back. Honestly, this post will just be a reflection of what I felt about everything.

He used to be a big deal in my life. Not anymore, I should say. Moving on on his side seems quick, like ripping a bandage on a skin that was never hurt. On my side, it had been a hell of a roller coaster ride.

It has been roughly two years since the last time we met. I met him again last weekend. Coincidence? I don't know.

I always thought that I would break down and cry if I ever saw him again. I was so sure that I would lose control of the wall that I have build for over two years to shield myself. I thought I would punch his face on a reflex. I thought about so many horrible things.

It wasn't like that. It was not entirely relaxed and my mind needs quite a 'getting-used-to' phase for about a few seconds. It was, however, a lot less dramatic than what I expected it would be.

I mean, all the cutting out works after all.

Few days after that, I met up with Nadine (minus Nadia) and we sort of went through the whole 5 years. Good thing I did this (thanks N!) because she made me realise that that was not the first. This was so expected to happen. That before any "news" was dropped, I already knew it happened.

Bottom line is: don't worry if it takes you awhile to move on from a relationship (or a person). As my favorite singer would sing, 'Time is a healer of all hearts that break'. Do whatever you need to do. Cut that person out of your life or throwing away all means of memories might be necessary. Just remember, your happiness and mental well-being is more important than anything.

Also, try and talk through the whole thing with someone you trust. You might see something that you missed because you were likely blinded by love at those times.

Wounds will leave you scars, and you should be proud if you have one.
That means you survived and you will survive.

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