Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Long Distance Relationship

I would state that I'm the most Pisces and the most hopeless romantic person that you probably will come across, so my opinion might be way too optimistic or does not agree with you. Here goes.

Long distance relationship sucks for all people and no one can say otherwise. I was in one (sort of) and a lot of people who are close to me are (or were) also in one at some point. It is never a good feeling to be away from your loved ones. It is a horrible feeling not being able to see them, hear their voice, hold them whenever you need them or when they need you. Sometimes the daily conversations fell flat. Asking the same question of "How was your day?" and "Did anything special happen today?" might get boring after a while. But the constant rush that you feel whenever you get to see them for however long you can beats all that. It's your own drug.

With all the hardships, it's no wonder that many long distance relationship does not last long. I know a handful that survive and some couple who actually went ahead and get married. Mine was not a successful one, so you might be sceptical about anything that I write down on this post. But if there is anything that I learn from long distance relationships, I would like to share it here so that yours can have more chance to succeed.

1. Manage expectations

Again, I will say that I am a hopeless romantic. I love all the cheesy romantic gestures that you can imagine (as long as it is not bragged about, so PDA is a no no - lucky long distance relationship lowers the chance of that from happening). Your biggest hurdle here is distance, then comes opportunities and money. Surely, you've seen someone posted that they got sent flowers for an anniversary when their partner is away. That is possible, I agree 100%, but nobody is saying that it is easy to do. Say you live in the USA and your partner lives in the UK. Say you're both students, busy and short of money. How are you supposed to pull that off?

During your long distance relationship, you have to lower your expectations. Realise that you both now are leading two lives that does not necessarily intersect in any way. You both have to make the conscious effort to keep at least you and your partner connected. They might be super busy and under a tight deadline that the only thing the two of you can manage is texting for a week. It's totally fine. There will be some low points. But remember that when both of you are not busy, you can Skype with them for as long as you want. Sometimes, I used to leave Skype call on and go about my day, so at least you know they are there. It might not be the most romantic but it's the best you can do now. And you have to be okay with it.

2. Be unconditionally supportive

Not in every little thing, but in most things you do. You might be studying abroad: you feel homesick, you face a lot of stress in a foreign land, you long for familiar faces. You will be complaining a lot and you need attention and support. You crave love from the people you miss the most and you feel like you have all the rights in the world to demand your fair share of that.

You are not entirely right. Of course, of course, you are entitled to love and affection from the people who are supposed to love you. The one thing you have to always keep in mind is: they also face struggles and problems in their daily lives. Maybe it is not as serious or as hard as yours. Nevertheless, they are entitled to their feelings and if they feel stress, you have to realise that it happens from time to time. They cannot be happy all the time, just as you cannot be sad all the time. Just because one of you are having a bad day, does not mean that both your days have to be down. Be sympathetic, be empathetic, but also be supportive. You need them for support, they also need you for support.

3. Don't let it consume your life

You miss them and you want to keep in constant contact with your loved one, understandable, right? But please oh please, do not plan your day around it. Just because you are far from each other, does not mean that you have to accommodate your day around theirs all the time. Give yourself some time to enjoy your life. Be independent, go outside, explore new things. This will enrich you and at the same time make your relationship more interesting as you have more stories to be told.

4. Trust and persevere

Trust them and trust yourself to trust them. If that foundation breaks, you break, and so will the relationship. It will be tiring, but it does not have to be. Keep trying, don't stop.

All of these have to be done by both you and your partner. If one of you stops trying, it might not work anymore. Have an end game, a plan, a time when you will be together again, and make sure that you both work towards it. Make it a purposeful one, a successful one. Good luck!

Friday, February 19, 2016

Seminggu

Aku tidak mencari
Lelah
Setelah gagal berkali-kali
Berhenti
Karena tau hasilnya nanti

Aku enggan memulai.
Pesimis untuk agresif
Tak mau
Mengulang retak lagi
dan lagi.

Kamu berbeda
Tiga jam waktu yang lama
Selalu bersuara
Tertawa, cerita, rahasia

Kamu tak sama
namun familiar
Nyaman

Tersentuh,
terambil dan terenyuh
Kamu

Pergi
Seminggu waktu tak lama
Satu paragraf
Kamu

Masih belum kembali
Aku tak asa
menunggu
Tapi hatiku tak tau
Lelah

19/02/2016

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Overwhelmed

You know that beautiful song by Stevie Wonder? Yeah, that's Overjoyed, not Overwhelmed. 

To be completely honest, feeling overwhelmed is not a good feeling. Firstly, it is incredibly stressful and it feels like there is a hurricane inside your head that you just cannot shake no matter how hard you try. From then on, all other feelings, such as anxiety, sudden euphoria over small things that you can barely count as victory, and the diminishing ability to move everyday come rushing by in ways you never predicted before. 

Thousands, if not millions, of people have constantly preached the younger generation that being an adult sucks so bad. You will never want to grow up. You will regret your childhood wishes when the time comes. Now that I am barely an adult at almost that-Taylor-Swift-song years old, I would have to agree. On the other hand, I don't know why.

Sure, being an adult is freaking stressful. There are a lot of things to take care of and no one would be there to help you because you are supposedly an adult now. On the other hand, I feel like no one has ever prepared me to face the world as we know it as an adult. All the older generation has said to me is that being an adult sucks and it's better to never grow up. How am I supposed to handle adulthood if you pester me with the idea of never growing up?

There is nothing wrong with being young at heart. It's an admirable quality since not a lot of people can get in touch with their childhood-self. I would love to never lose who I was when I was a kid. I was fearless, I wanted to be active and outside for most times, I was diligent, optimistic, and very passionate. I want to be that person again. I want to live my name, to be free with no anxiety, no stress, and no negative thoughts. 

A lot of not knowing, pessimistic thoughts going in and out your head, anxiety, stress. Adulthood. So far. Overwhelmed. 

Friday, December 4, 2015

Sincerely, Me (3/3)

Dear Heart and Brain,

Stop it, please. It's neither you two or myself. I did not know and I still have no idea.

I over compensate too much. I thought when Heart broke, it would all be better for Brain to take charge. It did not get better for a while because I stop myself from feeling. I force Brain to work when it was not the time.

I deliberately stopped Heart to feel things. At the same time, overworked Brain to do Heart's jobs. I won't say that I'm icy-cold or all-brain. In the middle of all of it, I think and feel like I lost the both of you. It was just empty. There was no feelings, no hope, no facts, no judgments. All I know is nothingness.

I think and feel like I need to stop. I caught some feelings, too much too quickly, because I tried to give all the power back to Heart. Then out of fairness, I let Brain work too. I'm left confused, with all the feelings and the reasons, clouding up in the both of you.

I don't know how everything is going to work out. Maybe in the end, I could collaborate with Heart and Brain properly. Maybe, just maybe, I can fell and hope with all the right facts and the right judgments.

Sincerely,

Me



The "Sincerely, ..." series is inspired by Amy Poehler's "Yes Please" (pp. 80-83)
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