Disoriented With A Special Thank You Note (more like ramble)

You just have to bear with a young female with mood swings who decided to write everything about it.

I was just wondering, while reading my friends' blogs or some other random blogs that I found online, that they actually have one style of writing, some of them even have one topic such as a fashion blog, art and craft, beauty, whatever.

But mine is just like a canvas where I throw random colors of paint, like an abstract. And I hope you guys don't mind that. I'm hoping to see comments though ahahaha nevermind me.

I mean, it's like a swing, you know. I feel like I've written about a lot of things. From funny things which mostly are not that funny, serious topics that were poorly written, my opinions about stuffs because I think it matters when it's not. And to not know that people might read or not read them. The bottom line is I feel like writing.

And so I am right now.

I feel pretty menye this week I don't know why. Hormones? That would be it. I've been listening non-stop to slow jazz poppy songs from Norah Jones and Amy Winehouse, slow romantic 80s 90s pop RnB, been reading blogs about... blah.

I don't even know how to deal with myself yet, figuring out stuffs, living like an adults; sleeping early and wake up in the morning, do house-keeping stuff right, managing my allowance, being right... But sometimes things just got in the way, if you know what I mean.

Most of my friends now are in university, doing stuffs they love in a place they love, they've been dreaming of. Clear vision of the future (from where I'm standing). It's like happiness everywhere! (don't take it the wrong way, I'm happy for them too! :D)

I'm still here, unsure about everything, blah blah blah you know that kind of stuffs teenagers are dealing with.

Actually, the point is I want to say thanks a million to you (you know who you are, you've got to know). I realized I've been such a pain in the a** sometimes (or may be all the time) but you've been there, every single day. Thank you for making me a better person, making me think about stuffs that slip off of my mind sometimes. Helping me appreciate myself, helping me chill when everything is so chaotic (like not bringing up the rejection letter thing ever, that was really helpful). Get me through a lot of ups and downs, reading and listening all my rants every single day, makes me feel appreciated. You're the best.

I know maybe sometimes you get tired of me, my-childish-selfish-juvenile-self, bugging you all the time since forever. And, I just want to say, I am truly deeply sorry and I did not mean to do any harm, never ever. I could never thank you enough for being here, being you...

And I'm sorry for being such a coward by not telling this straight to your face and only write about it here. I hope you get the chance to read this. I just want to say, it's more than this, waaay more, this is less than sufficient. I'm just not good with expressing myself. And I'm not asking for anything. If this doesn't make any sense at all, then maybe it does.

I feel like writing a lot more than these but the fact that it's almost 2 o'clock in the morning makes me think about my decision twice...and decided to pause it here for a little while.